How to live with Cybertronians A guide for humans and Cybertronians
by Nikita Marie Nightingale
Summary: Prowl has decided that there are two many problems around base. And that we need some sort of guidelines,With all the pranks and misunderstandings and explosions from bot and human alike. And since I'm the cause of most which isn't true, Prowler's just mean, I only caused half of them I have the pleasure of writing them down.
1. Chapter 1

How to live with Cybertortronians a guide for humans and Cybertronians.  
Summary: I know a lot of people have done these sorts of things, but it seems like fun. Forgive me if I use a rule that's already been made it's hard to keep track. I don't own transformers or any brand names, shows, movies, books and so on that are mentioned. I'm not making any money of this story it's purely for entertainment. And I apologize in advance for my terrible spelling if you point something out I'll go back and correct it.  
By: Nikita Nightingale

* * *

Prowl has decided that there are too many problems around base. And that we need some sort of guidelines, With all the pranks and misunderstandings and explosions from bot and human alike. And since I'm the cause of most (which isn't true, Prowler's just mean, I only caused half of them) I have the pleasure of writing them down. Not that anyone's actually going to follow them, but here goes nothing.

Rule 1. Don't let the Auto-bots read The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins.  
They didn't like the thought of "younglings" fighting to the death. Here are some of the reactions.  
Optimus: "How could someone do that do children".  
Ironhide: " Fraging pitspwaned glicthhead mainframe reject #^ %^$^%$^$%^$%#  
Me: The rest has been edited mostly because I couldn't hear the rest of his triad over the explosions. I think he manage to blow up half the base.

Rule 2: Don't tease me because of who my guardian is.  
Me: I mean it, don't make me hurt you. Just because my guardian is Rachet doesn't make me or him any less of a threat. He's a medic, so he knows all the weak points of human and bot alike.  
Rachet: I've also been training Nikita in both Human and Cybertroinian medicine. She's a natural.  
Me: Yeah so there!

Rule 3: Don't let Prowl read "The blue girl" By Charles De Lint and then quote said book so he'll glitch.  
Me: With the fairies, the nerdy ghost stalking the main character and the monsters that try to eat your soul it was enough to make him glitch once. Then Me and Mikaela made it worse by quoting from it.

"Me: You look just like the imaginary friend I had when I was a kid. Only older you know?  
Mikaela: Maybe I am.  
Me: I don't know it's all hazy, but I seem to remember something about floppy ears and a tail.  
Mikaela: People change.  
Me: Even when they're imaginary.  
Mikaela: Probable more so then.  
CRASH. RATCHET: NIKITA!"

"Me: I'd just rather meet a talking spoon then an elf."

"Me: I'm a fairy."  
CRASH Rachet: NIKITA!'

*After I had dared Sam to jump out of Bumblebee's hand*  
Prowl: Sam could of been hurt. That wasn't funny.  
Me: Well, it was kind of funny when he hit the pavement.  
CRASH Rachet: NIKITA MARIE NIGHTINGALE!  
Me: Oh shit full name! RUN!

Rule 4: Don't avoid monthly checkups.  
Me: Here the long list of people and bot's this applies to:  
Me, Sam, Lennox, Epps, Fig,Miles,Leo, Optimus, Ironhide, both sets of twins, Arcee, Flareup, Wheeljack, Wheelie, Mirage,Bumblebee,Jazz,Chromia,Jolt, Hound and Prowl?  
Me: LE GASP! Prowl's a rule breaker!  
Sideswipe: No! The world's coming to an end.  
Prowl: I'm not a rule breaker. I just have more important things to do then go to check ups.  
Sunny: Really but Prowler rule 4 clearly states "Don't avoid monthly check ups.  
Bumblebee: (plays a movie clip from space jam) Alright it is in the rule book.  
CRASH

Rule 5: Stop tripping Prowl's glitch.  
Lennox: No one's going to listen to that rule.  
CRASH Me: I'm starting to think Prowl's not going to survive this rulebook.

Rule 6: Lady Gaga is no longer to be played around Ironhide.  
Me: This rule involved me, a very confused Ironhide in and a very very upset Will Lennox. And The innocent question of "what is a Disco stick"? I told him to ask Will.  
Will: So it was your fault!  
Mikaela: Hey at least you didn't have to explain to him.  
Epps: Oh Primus, I don't think I'm going to stop laughing!  
Leo: Senorita, you are a very brave.  
Sam: Yeah pranking Ironhide is very dangerous.  
Me: Your all a bunch of cowards!  
Ironhide: Nikita, it's time for training.  
Me: Really what are we drilling this time?  
Ironhide: (powers up cannons) Bullet aversion.  
Me: What you wouldn't! SHIT! RATCHET! (runs away)  
BOOM!  
Rachet: Ironhide don't you dare hurt my charge!  
Ironhide: I'm not going to hurt her. Just kill her a little. (runs after Nikita)  
Rachet: Oh no you won't! (grabs a wrench and chases after Ironhide)  
Prowl: What's going on?  
Will: Ironhide's trying to kill Nikita. You should probable make a rule against that!  
CRASH!  
Mikaela: Glitched again. That poor bot.

Rule 7:Don't give Nikita any energy drinks; such as NOS, Monster etc.  
Me: It wasn't that bad! Was it?  
Optimus: Little one, we say this because we care.  
Rachet: Your my charge, all I want is for you to be happy and healthy.  
Me: This sounds like it was rehearsed. WAIT! IS THIS AN INTERVENTION?!  
Will: Kid, it was scary!  
Miles: Not pretty man! You traumatized Blur!  
Blur: Ihadnoideawhatyouweresaying.  
Jazz: I sa' we give the femme an energy drink and set her on the decepticons.  
CLANG Rachet: No! Bad idea. Don't make me beat you into scrap metal.  
Fig: I wasn't here. Was she really that Bad.  
Bumblebee: "She's a super freak, super freak. She's super freaky.  
Rule 7 (third person pov):  
Nikita was running around the tarmac as human and holoform tried to grab her. Rachet and Blur ran out of the med bay to see what was going on. Rachet immediately notice that his charge was running around at a inhuman speed and seemed to have a high heart rate."Nikita, What's wrong are you injured, What's in the pit is going on here?" Optimus commed him." It seems your charge has been drinking energy drinks again"  
Ironhide: Primus not again.  
Blur:Shecan'tbethatbad.I'llcatchher!  
Rachet: No Blur don't. Too late!  
Ironhide: Primus help him.  
Blur stepped up and picked Nikita up by her backpack as she passed. She wasn't pleased. " .I'llmakeyouwishyouwereneverspa rked."Blur looked at the tiny organic in confusion and looked to Rachet. "Whatdidshesay?"CLANG A metal wrench hit him upside the head he looked back at the organic just in time to see her pull to more wrenches from her pack. She tossed one and hit Blur hard enough to knock him down, she fell only to get back up and hit him repeatedly with the other wrench yelling."Youhaverighttomanhandleme, I'mgoingtoturnyouinto..." What she was going turn him into no one found out because Rachet took that time to hit her with a tranquilizer dart. Rachet pick up his charge and growled."When I find out who's supplying her with these energy drinks, I'll make them wish they were in the pit." No one noticed that Leo and Miles diapered for 2 weeks.

Rule 8: No quoting Yu-Gi-Oh Capsule Monsters.  
Me: Leo and Sam and me are mostly responsible for this.  
Prowl:Nikita!  
Me: Okay completely responsible.  
*During a fair at Annabelle's school*  
Miles: Around these parts they call me lucky left arm.(goes to spin wheel)  
Sam: That's your right arm.  
Miles: I knew that.

*After recovering from one of Ironhide and Chromia's training sessions*  
Rachet: You ok Nikita?  
Me: Yeah aside from the throbbing muscles and migraine headache I think I'm cured.

*While hiding from Ravage*  
Me: What's the plan?  
Sam: Scream for Bumblebee.

Me: During a battle with Megatron I was taunting him calling him the usual names Megadork, Megaton. Sam and Leo were hiding When I got cornered I decided to enlist some help.  
Me: Hey Leo take your index finger and put it bellow your eye.  
Leo: Like this senorita.  
Me: Ya now pull down.  
Leo: Ci, What next?  
Me: Great job your officially a distraction.  
Megatron: Insect you dare mock me!  
Leo: AH!

Rule 9:Don't interrupt Nikita when she's reading!  
Me: Your all a bunch of pansies, Mech up I'm not that scary. I'm 5'4 not that much of a threat.  
Jazz: Primus that femme's worse than hatchet and Ironass. SHE SHOT ME!  
Me: I was trying to finish the last chapter of Journey to the center of the earth. And it was only a pistol it didn't even dent your armor.  
Jazz: You scratched my paint.  
Me: Ah poor baby!

Rule 10: No laughing at the number 69 on Hotrods hood.  
Me: He is a Dodge Dart "69" with the number 69 on his hood, so when he transforms it's on his chest. Sideswipe: I still don't get it! You organics laugh at the strangest things.  
Sunstreaker: I know what it means.  
Bumblebee: What? what? tell me! tell me!  
Optimus: (shakes his head) We'll tell you when you're older!  
Miles: Bee, man, just look it up on the internet!  
Rachet: There's a parental control on his internet access, after all in human years he's only 17.  
Sam: Are you telling me I'm 2 years older than Bee.  
Me: Your 1 year older than me!  
Sam: Yeah but I knew that. He like 17 thousand years old. It's just mind blowing. I need to think. (walks off)  
Bumblebee: *chirps nervously* (runs after Sam)  
Me: Great now he's going to be all angsty.  
Hotrod: That's not a word!  
Me: You know what Hotrod #* * # $$%^^%&&^*^&$# ^^%$%^&! (storms away)  
Miles: Someone's PMSING!

Rule 11: For the love of Primus don't wake Mikaela up!  
Me: Rachet SAVE ME!  
Rachet:(picks Nikita up) What? What is it? Are you hurt? Me: No Sam woke Mikaela up!  
Mikaela: SAM!  
Sam:AHHHHH!  
Rachet: Maybe it would best to go to the med bay and prep!  
Me: Yeah. Sam's going to need several doctors when she's done! If there's anything left off him that is!

Rule 12: "Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering. I sense much fear in you." Should not be said to decepticons.  
Epps: Star wars is awesome.  
Me: I said it to Knockout and Barricade at mission city.  
Leo: Starscream, Egypt.  
Will: Knockout and Barricade surprisingly asked to join the autobot's. Starscream...  
Sam: Tried to blow Leo up screamed something about not knowing fear! Optimus had to tackle him and escort Leo from the battle.  
Epps: Why did you two join anyway?  
Knockout: Nikita was giving me a look she called the puppy dog pout, and she seemed very wise as a decepticon I suffered greatly. My paint got scratched daily.  
Barricade: I just got tired of getting my aft kicked!  
Me: AH come Barry don't be like that!  
Wheeljack:I still think I should build a death star.  
Everyone: NO!

Rule 13: No getting Barricade to arrest the people you don't like!  
Me: No one asked Barricade to arrest Trent! Prowl I swear!  
Prowl: Barricade is this true!  
Sam: Prowl, Trent was being a jerk!  
Barricade: He punched Sam and was making unwanted advances toward Nikita when she told him so, he slapped her. I thought the fleshing should pick on someone his own size.  
Rachet: He hurt Nikita! I wonder if there a chemical imbalance in his brain that makes him a pest. Maybe I should study him.  
Optimus: Rachet we don't harm Humans.  
Jazz: He ain' a human, he's a rat.

Rule 14: No more Charlie and the chocolate factory!  
Hound: We lost 5 liaisons because of that movie!  
Wheeljack: It was Nikita's Idea she asked if I'd make some chocolate that would make someone sick, gum that would turn your face blue, a bag egg detector and a shrink ray. I thought it was just because she like the movie, which I can't blame her those inventions were brilliant.  
Prowl: You need to learn to say no!  
Wheeljack: She used the puppy dog pout!  
Knockout,Barricade,Ironhide, Bumblebee, Jazz, Optimus and Rachet: I hate that look!  
Sam: Her, me, Miles, Leo, and Fig painted our faces orange and sang the songs!  
Fig: Ci, it was fun while it lasted!  
Simmons: Speak for yourself I refused to help so she knocked me out and painted a decepticon symbol on my forehead. Old Ironass chased me around for 4 HOURS! 4 HOURS!  
Me: Yeah those were a couple of my better ideas, weren't they!  
Morshower:I'm not complaining, they were aftholes!

Rule 15: Miles we are not fighting for waffles!  
Miles: Waffles

Prowl: Waffles?

Miles: They represent all the good in the world!  
Me: Oh yes! Decepticons weep and beware for we have waffles!  
Miles: Exactly!  
CRASH Me: You're the one who allowed him to stay on base, we warned you.(walks away)

Rule 16: Stop making up Acronyms for N.E.S.T.  
Me: New extreme survival tests.  
Leo: Non-biological Extraterrestrial Stunt Team.  
Epps: Need extremely stupid troops

Will: Need Exceptionally Strong Trucks.  
Me: The list is endless but they get stupider and stupider.

Rule 17: Tequila and Nikita don't mix.  
Me: One Tequila, hahaha, two tequila, hahahahaha, three keetelaa,hahahahahahahahah*gasp*FLOOR! (CRASH) HAHAHEHEHAHEHAHAHA*GASP*HAHAHAHAHAHA!  
Annabelle: Dad why is Aunty Nikita acting funny.  
Will: Well aunty Nikita is drunk.  
Rachet: Who gave her alcohol!

Rule 18:The following quotes and sayings are banned.  
Sam: I'll explain and I'll use small words so that you'll be sure to understand you warthog faced buffoon!(No one knows where he got the guts to say this to Megatron. It's a good thing Optimus was there to save him)

Galloway: I have a nagging suspicion that everyone is out to make me paranoid.(after we chased off 5 liaisons they brought Galloway back, we had to do something to keep him in line.)

Me: Of course I'm out of my mind. It's a dark and scary place.(Rachet made me take several mental tests, which I passed)

Annabelle: I wouldn't look bored if you could keep me entertained.(When she said that to the Lambo twins I thought I'd die laughing. She's 6 years old I'm so proud of her, Will wasn't impressed )

Optimus: This is SPARTA!(He actually KICKED MEGATRON down a hill when he said this. Prowl saw it and glitched in the middle of the battle. And everybody stopped, there was an eerie silence. We retreated so Rachet could look at Optimus. He was fully functional. He still won't tell anyone why he did it)

Sideswipe: I will stab you until you die from it!(he screamed that as he attacked Starscream.)

This was a actual conversation between Miles and Knockout!  
Miles: Do vegetarians eat animal crackers?  
Knockout:(dramatic pause) Your a special kind of stupid aren't you?

Prowl: I don't obsess! I think intensely!

Me: Excuse me while I find a container for my JOY( Galloway called a meeting that required everyone's attendance, this was my response when he told me I had to go to the meeting)

While Giving Leo some valium this conversation.  
Leo: Why are you prescribing me this?  
Rachet: Because sometimes the world needs a break from the real you!

Wheeljack: No need to panic. Everything is under control.(when he says this RUN!)

And Finally a few last minute words of knowledge from the Lambo twins.  
Sunny and Sides: HE'S GOT THE WRENCH!(This one speaks for its self)

Rule 19: Sideswipe is not allowed to watch the Lion king any more.  
Me: I go pranking with sunny and sides a lot so he's under the delusion that were some kind of Trio. Well Sunny was spending a lot of time with Arcee, he was training with her. Sides thought they we're going out so he had me help to spy on them and by The seventh day he cracked.  
Sides: I can see what happening!  
Me: What?  
Sides: And they don't have a clue.  
Me: WHO?  
Sides: They'll fall in love and HERE'S the bottom line...Our trio is down to TWO!  
Me: oh... *rolls eyes*  
Sides: the sweet caress of twilight!(pulls me closer to his holoform)  
Me:o.0 wtf?  
Sides: THERE'S MAGIC... EVERYWHERE! and with all this romantic atmosphere... DIASSTERS IN THE AIR! CAAAAAAAAAAN YOU FEEEEEEEEEEEL THE LOOOOOOOVE TOOONNNIIIGHT!  
Me:0_0' I'm going to go get Rachet, you just stay here! And try not to do anything crazy. (runs off) RACHET!

Rule 20: Don't encourage Nikita to abuse her powers, the ones she was born with or the all-spark powers!  
Knockout: She buried me in a rock slide!  
Prowl: She brought my data-pad to life!  
Ironhide: She set a pack of wolves on me!  
Optimus: Your powers both natural and the allspark energy are very power full, you might lose control!  
Me: Please! Have a little faith in me!  
(raises arm and brings another vending machine to life) SORRY!  
Optimus: NIKITA MARIE NIGHTINGALE!

Rule 21: Don't encourage Nikita's obsession with the number 23!  
Will: I told Epps we should NOT let her watch the number 23!  
Epps: It just fueled her obsession.  
Me: it's not an obsession! It's just everywhere. My birthday is November 12. 11+12=23 There are 46 chromosomes in the Human body. 23 FROM EACH PARENT. 46 DIVIDED BY 2 IS 23!  
The earth's axes is titled at 23.5 degrees. 5 is 2+3 It takes 23 seconds for blood to circulate in the human body, it takes 23 seconds for energon to circulate in a cybertorian.  
The Mayan calendar says the world will end December '23' 2012 20+1+2=23 The Titanic sank the morning of April 15, 1912. 4+1+5+1+9+1+2=23 The Hiroshima Bomb was dropped at 8:15. 8+15=23 December 11 1941 the us declared war on Germany. 12+11=23 Hitler killed himself in The April of 1945.  
4+1+9+4+5=23 Arcee is Pink, Pink is made up of red and white. Red=27 White=65. 27+65=92 Pink is a 4 letter word. 92 DIVIDED BY 4=23. SEE!  
Will: How is red equal to 27.  
Me: Take the Alphabet 1=a,2=b,c=3 all the to z which is the 26 letter. So the R in 'red' would be worth 18, e=5,d=4. 18+5+4=27.  
Will: Oh i get it! But I WONDER WHY Prowl hasn't crashed yet.  
Prowl: It's a logical conclusion Rachet just doesn't want her to think about it too much.  
Epps: Can you do that with Names?  
Me: Yeah I'll use yours as an example.  
R=18,O=15,B=2,E=5,R=18,T=20. 18+15+2+5+18+20=78 E=5,P=16,P=16,S=19. 5+16+16+19=56. Now take the numbers and separate them and add them like this. 7+8+5+6=26. Sorry it doesn't wo...(gets hit with a tranquilizer)  
Rachet:(picks Nikita up) No more 23's!(storms off)  
Leo: I was born August 15.8+15=23Sam: Scary! I was born March 20.3+20=23 Will: I was born January 22.1+22=23 Epps: February 21.2+21=23 Fig: I don't want to freak anyone out but I was born DECEMBER 11.12+11=23!  
Sam: Let's never speak of this again!  
Epps,Will,Leo and Fig: AGREEDED!

Rule 22:Speak like Yoda Miles and Leo shouldn't not.  
Me: Beat them up, I will.  
Leo: But Nikita...  
Me: NO BUTS!  
Miles": X_X _

* * *

Me: Please rate and review, feel free to send me some ideas for rules or any spelling or grammar corrections I missed.  
Knockout: How come I wasn't mentioned a lot, did I do something to offend you Nikita.  
Me: No your my friend Knockout you just don't get into a lot of trouble!  
Prowl: You think ex-decepticons being on base isn't a lot of trouble!  
Me: Well at least it we have more allies now! Geez Prowler lighten up!  
Prowl: That's impossible, I'm not the sun!  
Me: Sorry but you're so full of hot air I figure you could at least give off some kind of light!  
CRASH!  
Me: I didn't do it!  
RATCHET:NIKITA MARIE NIGHTINGALE THIS IS GOING IN THE RULE BOOK!  
Me: Optimus does he have the authority to do that!  
Optimus: As your guardian yes.  
Me:Damn!(walks away)  
Optimus: Please remember to rate and review! I won't force you it's your right as sentient beings to refuse to do so! }


	2. Chapter 2

How to live with Cybertortronians A guide for humans and Cybertronians By: Nikita Nightingale  
Disclaimer:  
Me: I don't own anything. Except my name!  
Ironhide: What are you doing?  
Me: I'm telling the people that I don't own the transformers or any other show or product or movie or song I mention. So I don't get sued!  
Ironhide: Primus must you humans complicate everything!  
Me: It's only complicated to you because you're to slow to understand!  
Ironhide: WHAT! (powers up cannon)  
Me: SHIT! HELP ME!(runs away)  
Barricade: RUN FLESHY RUN! Once again Nikita owns nothing and isn't making any money of these stories. She just likes writing them.  
Me:(runs by) Yeah so please read and enjoy!

* * *

Chapter 2:  
Well more rules and now we even have a list of banned items and music, and movies. It was bad enough when we just had Prowl but now there's a new arrival named Redalert the security officer or something . Ha his name should be False-alert. He freaks out over anything. He even locked Barricade, Knockout, me and all the human members in the brig. When Rachet objected, Redalert said he should go to. Life is going to get a lot more difficult.

Rule 23: Don't call Redalert, Falsealert.  
Redalert: You're a trouble maker Miss Nightingale, I can get you thrown off base.  
Me: Oh yeah you and what army! And I can bet that no one bot or human alike (well maybe Galloway) would approve of that!  
Rachet: Redalert I'll offline you before I allow you to kick my charge off base, and leave her to the mercy of the decpticons!  
Ironhide: I'd help him offline you red. After all she's done and sacrificed for not only us but all cybertroinians. She gave up everything when she got the all-sparks power. She can never be alone or live off base! And she helped bring Optimus back to life.  
Optimus: Kicking Nikita of base is not an option.  
Me: Yeah take that falsealert!  
Optimus: Brig time however is!  
Me:^_^' Sorry Redalert.  
Optimus: We won't put you in the brig this time, but I'm very disappointing in your behavior!  
Me: :( Ouch you sure know how to hurt a girl!( walks of in tears)  
Rachet: Optimus did you just make my charge cry!(takes wrench out of subspace)  
Optimus: ^_^' I think I hear Major Lennox calling, BYE! (runs off)  
Rachet: Yeah you better run! (chases after him)  
Ironhide: I'm not helping him!(walks to shooting range)  
Redalert: e_0 *glitches* CRASH!

Rule 24: Stop teasing Breakdown!  
Me: I can't help it, the way he came to base because he wanted to see Knock-out. He was like a lost puppy, and I'm proud to say me and Knock-out got him to join the auto-bots!  
Knockout: Ah Breakdown did you miss me! That's so cute!  
Breakdown: I'm not cute! I'm a fearsome warrior!  
Me: Whatever you say puppy!  
Prowl: Nikita stop breaking the rules!  
Me: But I'm allowed to call him puppy.  
Knockout:(looks at Breakdown) Dude you're so weird.  
Breakdown: Well...I...I've never had a Nickname. Beside she was giving me this look.  
Prowl: The puppy dog pout really Nikita! How old are you again?  
Me: Physically 18, Mentally 22, and emotionally 5.  
Prowl: *glitches* CRASH  
Me: Shit! Everyone run! Before Rachet finds out, we'll meet back here in 5 hours and if anyone gets caught it was the Lambo twins.  
(everyone runs off)

Rule 25: No more Ed rants!  
Sam: Your lucky. Optimus almost banned Full Metal Alchemist completely.  
Mudflap: Man if she wasn't so short, she'd wouldn' be so angry!  
Me: WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SMALL SHE CAN RIDE ON THE BACK OF A GRASSHOPPER! HOW WOULD YOU LIKE YOUR FEET BROKE DOWN AND PUT ON TOP OF YOUR HEAD! I'D BE TALL IF I WERE A GIANT ALIEN ROBOT TOO. BUT NO I'M A TECHNO-ORGANIC. AND I'M NOT A SHRIMP!  
Leo: She doesn't quote them word for word she makes them her own I respect that.  
Sam: She just changes a couple of the words, sometimes she'll make up her own. Their considerable more violent and she swears a lot more!  
Miles:X_X' She scares me!  
Epps: She scares us too!

Banned movies:  
The nightmare on Elm Street movies:  
Prowl: Redalert wouldn't let anyone sleep or go into recharge for a week. And despite what people say I do recharge.  
Me: Yeah I'm very bitchy when I don't get sleep. Right Rachet. Rachet!  
Rachet: ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ  
Me: Cybertorians snore?!  
Prowl:*glitches*CRASH

I robot:  
Me: I'm shocked that Redalert wasn't the one who glitched! Who knew Mudflap and Skids were so sensitive, they cried at the end!

Marley and me:  
Me: The bots who cried we're Rachet, Ironhide, Breakdown, Barricade, Bumblebee, and both sets of twins! I laughed at them but I still cry when Marley died!  
Optimus: Marley was an old dog, he needed to pass on!  
Bumblebee: Your so heartless!  
Sam: Bee it's just a movie!  
Bumblebee: No Marley was real!  
Sam and Me: ^_^'

Banned Items:  
Silly String- Only on special occasions, no unbirthdays.  
Me: You guys are no fun, I got 10 presents from Rachet before he clued in!  
Ironhide: Your such a sucker.  
Jazz: Na he did it on purpose.  
Me: What you knew!  
Rachet:*smirks and walks away*

Glow in the dark paint.  
Me: I wrote we're watching you in Redalerts room. He's still in the med bay.  
Ironhide: Primus your worse than sunny and sides.  
Sunstreaker and Sideswipe: She is not.  
Me: Yes I am!  
Me, Sunny and sides: PRANK WAR!  
Will: Look what you've down Ironhide( shakes his head and walks off)  
Rachet: I'LL prep the med bay.  
Prowl: I'll get the brig ready.  
Ironhide: I... 'T *GLITCHES* CRASH  
Me: Wow I made Ironass glitch. I'm good.  
Sideswipe and Sunstreaker: We're not worthy.(bows down)

* * *

Me: Sorry I didn't have as many rules this time but I'm still in school so I don't have a lot of time.  
Prowl: That's very sensible of you.  
Me: Oh please I've just been watching more TV to dull the pain of school.  
Prowl: School is painful.*glitches*  
Rachet: You know I'm not even going to say anything.(drags Prowl to the med bay)  
Me: Ha I didn't get in trouble.  
Ironhide: Rate and Review and I'll shoot Sam's rodent from my cannon!  
Sam: WHAT YOU WILL NOT!  
Me: YEAH THAT'S ANIMAL CRUELTY!  
Ironhide: FINE! Ruin my fun!  
Me: Ignore him we're not shooting Mojo from a cannon but please Rate and Review anyway!  
Optimus: We won't force you since it's your right as sentient beings to review.  
Miles: We welcome you to come back anytime! The nest team will be waiting.  
Miles,Leo, Jazz, Sideswipe, Sunstreaker, Epps and Sam: We'll see you soon!  
Me: WE ARE NOT A HOST CLUB! SO STOP IMITATING THE OURAN HIGH SCHOOL HOST CLUB! I DON'T OWN IT! ARE YOU TRYING TO GET ME SUED!  
Miles,Leo, Jazz, Sideswipe, Sunstreaker, Epps and Sam: BUT NIKITA...  
Me: NO BUTTS( CHASES THEM INTO THE DISTANCE AND RUNS BACK)By the way the Prank wars between me and the Lambo twins will be a different story there might be some more competition though but I won't tell you who it's a surprise. Bye Guys!(starts chasing them again)


	3. Chapter 3

How to live with Cybertortronians A guide for humans and Cybertronians

By: Nikita Nightingale

Disclaimer: Me: I don't own anything. Except my name!  
Prowl: Ah good your still doing the disclaimers.  
Me: Yep, I don't want to get sued.  
Prowl: Good however I'm actually suing you for how I'm described. It's completely wrong.  
Me: BUT...BUT... I.  
(hologram dissipates to revel Sideswipe) Sideswipe: Ha you've just been pranked!  
Me:(garbs a wrench) You are so dead Sides.  
Sideswipe: OH NO. UM... CAN'T WE TALK ABOUT THIS.  
Me:...  
Sideswipe: I'll take that as a no.( runs away) RACHET GET THE MEDBAY READY.(runs by Rachet)  
Rachet: *sighs* Sorry Sideswipe but I just can't fix stupidity.(watches Nikita run by) Once again my charge owns nothing mentioned. All credit goes to the writers and musicians, and creators.(walks away)  
In the distance:

Sideswipe: AHHHHHH MERCY! *CLANG* OW.  
Me: Oh don't be such a big baby.

* * *

Chapter 3:

Rule 26: No more arrow to the knee, or face etc jokes.  
Sam: I used to be normal until I took the all spark to the face.  
Me: That's so not funny Sam.  
Sam: It wasn't a joke, I'm serious.  
Me: You used to be conscious until you took my fist to your face.(punches Sam out).  
Bumblebee: Nikita how would you like to take a laser to the knee?  
Me: Robot or Human?  
Bumblebee: Human! ( charges laser)  
Me: SHIT!(runs away with Bumblebee chasing)

Rule 27: No quoting Red vs. Blue.

Hound: You know, I really think we should try a non-violent approach to resolve this.  
Ironhide: I agree. Except replace the word "non" with "extremely", and after the word "violent", include the phrase, "blood explosion extraordinaire"! Hahahaha!

Ratchet: It's quiet. Too quiet. [An explosion can be heard from Wheeljacks lab] Suddenly it's too loud. I preferred it when it was quiet.

Barricade: I'm not a cop!  
Me: No you're a cop car.  
Barricade: ...Oh shut up.

Wheeljack: You don't need to treat me like that. I'm not crazy, okay? I'm totally and completely sane. Now if you'll excuse me I need to go blow up this dead body.

Rule 28: Don't dead leg people or bots.  
Me: This is so stupid I'm not even going to explain, so Miles get your but in here

Miles: (Limps in on crutches) I dead-legged Ironhides hollow and he dead-legged me back. HE BROKE MY RIGHT LEG!  
Sam: Apparently he didn't know how strong his holo-form was.  
Me, Will, Epps: BULLSHIT!  
Optimus: I'm sorry Miles, Ironhide is in the Brig for the rest of the week.  
Miles: It's okay. What I did was pretty stupid.  
Prowl: I'm glad you agree. That's why you're going to the Human brig.  
Miles: What Hotrod your my guardian save me!  
Hotrod: Sorry you brought this on yourself, I can't help you.

Rule 29:No more paint cannons!  
Me: It was supposed to be used on the twins, but I hit Will and Optimus instead.  
Hotrod: I don't think I've ever seen Optimus so mad.  
Epps: I've seen Will that mad.  
Figs: That's because you make him that mad.  
Rachet: You know I thought it was weird that the Twins said they had a virus when they didn't.  
Me: What they knew! Damn!  
Wheeljack: They put me in the brig with Nikita for helping her make the cannon!  
Prowl: Well you should of know better!  
Optimus: Now that I look back at it, it was kind of funny. Just not well planned.

* * *

Me: Sorry the guys couldn't be here to thank you for reading this chapter but there chasing Megadork right now. I'll try to write more rules in the next chapter. Remember to Rate and Review and don't miss the first Chapter of My new story "PRANK WARS!"Oh and I'm running out of ideas so if you have any suggestions I'd love to hear them.


	4. Chapter 4

How to live with the Cybertronians: Guidelines for both Cybertronians and humans.  
By Nikita Nightingale.  
Disclaimer:  
BOOOOM!  
Me:*coughs and waves the smoke away* Well that went well.  
Wheeljack: I don't know what went wrong.  
Me: Well let's stop working on it for a while, that way I can start writing my rules again!  
Optimus: *RUNS IN* NIKITA! WHEELJACK! ARE YOU ALL RIGHT!  
Me: We're fine!  
Optimus: What were you two doing.  
Wheeljack: We were trying to create a device that would automatically write disclaimers:  
Me: It didn't work, so once again I own nothing! NOTHING BUT THE PLOT AND MY NAME! Please read and enjoy chapter 4!

* * *

For some reason the people of NEST enjoy quoting their favorite games and movies so most of these next rules contain quotes. And TV and movies and t-shirt bans! Jeez it's like the auto-both don't want us to have any fun!

Rule 30: No quoting kill-zone 1,2 or 3.  
Me: We call Will and Epps, Sev and Rico Now

Me: Why don't you guys leave before the explosions? Will:[Sarcastically] You can do that?

Epps:*finding some weapons in a decepticon hide out* Now this is my favorite kind of hideout. Look at all these fun toys.

Wheeljack: Given time, even a monkey can write Shakespeare. Epps: What the fuck is a Shakespeare.

*talking about a raid of the decepticon base*  
Ironhide: What about me? Will: You can clean house. There's bound to be plenty of playmates dying to play with your cannons.

Redalert: Which side are you on?Me: My side.

Rule 31: Nikita is not allowed to recite the following poems to our past or present liaisons!

I see your face when I am dreaming.  
That's why I wake up screaming.

A man may kiss his wife goodbye, The rose may kiss the butterfly, The wine may kiss the frosted glass, But you my friend may kiss my ass.

My feelings for you no words can tell Except for maybe go to hell

When the auto-bots pacifism wanes I think I'll throw you from a moving plane!

Hound:*shakes head* You shouldn't use poetry for that!  
Miles: Dude shut up! It was funny.  
Will:*laughs* Did you see Galloway face when she said the one about throwing him from the plane!  
Me: I actually made that one up, the others I got off the Internet.  
Optimus: Well we won't put you in the brig, but this is going to be a rule.*walks off laughing*  
Me: Okay bossbot I'll write it down!

Rule 32: The movie Robot is banned!  
Me: Rachet didn't like it because the bad guy had the same name, he was worried it would freighting Annabel.  
Rachet: I didn't want the youngling to associate ME with that monster.  
Sarah: Well unfortunately for you Annabelle is very upset with you for banning her FAVORITE movie.  
Rachet: :(  
Me: It's okay Rachet I still like you!*pats Rachet foot*

Rule 33: While we're on the subject no quoting Robots.

Breakdown: Stick with me, kid. I know this town like the back of my hand.  
[sees the back of his hand]  
Breakdown: Hey, that' s new.

(after getting caught in an explosion in wheeljacks lab)  
Me: Epps, are you okay?  
Epps: I'm the prettiest girl at the Harvest Moon Ball.  
Me: I'll take that as a no.

(Me and Miles searching for Sam while Optimus fought of Megatron, Starscream and Blackout, you know the fight before Egypt when he died)  
Me: If anything goes wrong, we'll signal each other.  
Miles: What kind of signal would you want? You want something kind of subtle, like [Whispers gibberish]  
Miles: Or[Barks loudly like a seal]  
Miles: Oh, how about this?  
Miles: [Very loudly] Caw-caw! Caw-caw! R-R-R-R-R-Rico la!  
*blackout spots us*  
Me: Subtle.

Rule 34: Don't remind Ironhide and Nikita that they used to hate each other!  
Me: Will, that's a stupid rule! We don't hate each other anymore. We haven't since mission city! He just needed an attitude adjustment.  
Ironhide: You helped Jazz and you barley knew him, you risked your life to save him. My idea about humans being inferior was foolish.  
Will: It's okay big guy we forgive you.  
Optimus: Well done old friend it takes a lot of courage to admit our mistakes!  
Rachet: Maybe there's hope for the rust-bucket after all.  
Jazz: Yeah! Ever since' we got here Ironhide's been more relaxed. He's not such a tight aft.  
Ironhide: e_O I'll be at the shooting range.

Rule 35: The following t-shirts are banned!

Nikita's:

Do not disturb I'm disturbed enough already.  
Me: Rachet had me tested again! Surprisingly I'm not crazy.  
Miles: That is a shocker!*Nikita slaps him* Ow

This T-shirt turns green in the company of perverts.  
Barricade:*laughing* Tell them why it was banned!  
Me: You are an aft! It's a green shirt that's the joke but the autobots didn't realize that and thought it was true! Optimus, Prowl, Rachet, Ironhide, Hound, Cliffjumper, Wheeljack, Preceptor, Knockout and poor Bumblebee thought they were perverts and glitched when they saw it!  
Fig: It was hard to bring them around, harder than normal because... well if the medic's glitch there's no one around to fix them!

Rule 01: Don' t stop reading.  
Rule 02: Read rule03

Rule 03: Read rule 02

Prowl: I don't remember banning that one!  
Me: That because I banned it half the male population human and autobot kept rereading it over and over and over and over. After awhile it gets kind of creepy. Miles, Hound, Breakdown, Leo and both set of twin are a couple of examples!  
Rachet: WHAT!*pulls wrench out of subspace* Excuse me!*leaves*  
In the distance: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

OMG! The rains wet.  
I' m not as think as you dumb I am.  
Don't make me call out my Flying Monkeys.  
Out of my mind! Back in five minutes.  
Me: These had the same results! Rachet gave me Mental tests and Prowl and Preceptor glitched.

QUICK! What color are my eyes?!  
Me: My eyes are dark brown, half the single guys around the base said green!  
Rachet: Who do I have to hurt!  
Skids: Yo I thought Ironass was crazy!  
Mudflap: The hatchet's got him beat though!

Me: Those are all my favorite T-shirts. :(

Rule 36:Myth-busters can only be watched in moderation, 2 episodes a day!  
Knockout: I thought Prowl wanted it banned completely!  
Rachet: I put my foot down when I realized it decreased the number of explosions from Wheeljacks Lab. Which is a good thing considering that Nikita, Sam, Epps, Will, Fig, Miles and Leo all insist on helping him! Not to mention Ironhide and Bumblebee and since he arrived Fireflight!  
Breakdown: Wow how much did the explosions decrease by!  
*I walk in*  
Me: 5 out of every 90 projects actually work now instead of blowing up! Which compared to our old percent which was only 2 out of every 100 projects, I'd say that's pretty good.  
Breakdown and Knockout: 0_0

Me: What?!  
Rachet: e_O sigh

Rule 37: Just because you can watch it doesn't t mean you have to quote Myth-busters!

Sam: (testing out a virtual reality game we created )I reject your reality, and substitute my own.

Epps: [over radio] This is one of those "What the hell am I doing?" moments, over!

Me: I always enjoy seeing Leo in pain.

Miles: [wearing a full-body armor prototype] I kinda like it in here, it's private!

Fig: We got a robot in the water, he's stuffed with tuna and it's just another day here at NEST!  
(poor ironhide!)

Wheeljack: (to Ironhide)I think this thing could hurt you. I think we're about to find out whether it will hurt you.

Me:(at Wheeljack's suggestion of trying to clone me) How many of me can you stand?

Will: [while pushing Epps into the pool full of jello] Drown, you bastard!

[Miles gets upset with Fireflight and walks away] Fireflight: Miles needs a cookie.

Wheeljack: What's the problem, you don't believe the math?

Leo: If I had any dignity that would have been humiliating

Me: I have a sneaking suspicion that I'm a really, really bad driver! (after crashing a rocket powered car into the Medbay)

Epps: [wearing a pilot's helmet] Epps to Fireflight, Epps to Fireflight, do you read, over?

Bumblebee: Well, hopefully that's our job, to strap rockets onto everything!

Miles: Give it your best shot! Come on! (trying out new armor)

Me: [after Rachet ran into the power lines again] Do you feel Primus?

Will:(explaining human guns to Ironhide) This kills you! [points to a .30-06 bullet] This kills you and everyone else in the room! [points to a .50cal bullet]

Fireflight:(after blowing up half of Wheeljacks lab when a prototype canon miss fired) I think that was one of the most destructive things I've ever done. That was cool!

Miles: [while in fireflight jet alt mode- testing new turbo] We're escaping the nemesis in Mach 2! Fig: No wonder Teletran couldn't find them. They're probably in Japan by now.

Fig: Aren't tracer rounds illegal?

Me: [mixing strange chemicals together in an attempt to find out what they are] Bee, why are you standing so far away?Bumblebee: Because I want to live. Me: I guess the second question is, why am I standing so close?

Ironhide: If it's worth doing, it's worth overdoing, right?

Fireflight: I think this is the strangest position I've ever been in on this planet. Ironhide: [quietly] Notice how he qualifies it with "on this planet".

Sam: You know, I promised my mom and dad I wouldn't do anything stupid after I got out of college. [whispers] Sorry, Mom.

Will, Epps, Fig and Me: [testing explosives] WE WANT A BIG BOOM!

Ironhide: It's a beautiful day at the shooting range. Birds are singing, rabbits are hopping about... and pretty soon there's gonna be a big explosion

Fig: Am I missing an eyebrow?

Bumblebee: [after destroying two semi-trucks with his new canon] It wasn't quite right, but I don't think we can reset.

Me: *laughs* Optimus is avoiding us!  
Sam: I told bee not to blow up the trucks!  
Fireflight: I tried to talk to him, he ran away!  
In the distance:  
Rachet: Why is Optimus ranting about blown up Semi-trucks! DIDN'T I TELL YOU NOT TO ABUSE THE PRIVILEGE OF HAVING YOUR STUPID EXPERIMENTS!  
Wheeljack: I believed we should run!  
Nikita, Sam, Epps, Will, Fig, Miles,Leo, Ironhide, Bumblebee, Fireflight: AGREED

Rule 38: The following saying are banned!

Miles: I never set out to be weird. It was always the other people who called me weird.

Will:* what Will says to recruits* Join NEST, Visit exotic places, meet alien life, and then kill them.

Epps: Cheer up, the worst is yet to come.

Me: I stopped fighting my inner demons, were on the same side now.

Breakdown: I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong

Rachet: You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax, tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough."

Sam: I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.  
Optimus: I wish you had told us you were Joking!  
Bumblebee: I threatened to kill them if they ever went near you!  
Sunny and Sides: We were worried about you!  
Ironhide: That was a very stupid thing to say youngling!  
Prowl: Were all very disappointed in you!  
Mudflap: Yo you stupid or something'!  
Skids: Yeah yo that was dumb man! Yo' an idiot.  
Sam :( I'm sorry! *hangs head*  
Me: Ouch I'm not going laugh at you! You've been punished enough!

Knockout: A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

Leo: It is not MY fault that I never learned to accept responsibility

Fig: I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying."

Barricade: You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.  
Me: He said that when he arrested Trent!  
Mikaela, Sam and Miles: *Laughing to hard too comment*

Simmons: If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten.

Wheelie: I don' t suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.

Sam: I get enough exercise pushing my luck.

Me: You' re just jealous because the voices only talk to me.

Will: Sometimes I wake up grumpy; other times I let her sleep

Me: Will's still unconscious.  
Epps: Sarah beat him into a bloody pulp!  
Mikaela: She's scary when you wake her up!  
Sideswipe: Isn't that the pot calling the kettle black!  
Sunstreaker: Yeah your just as...*trails off as Mikaela glares*  
Mikaela: You have 10 seconds to run!  
Sides and Sunny: SHIIIIIIIT! *Runs away*

Epps: I got a gun for my wife, best trade I ever made.  
Epps: I should not of said that after finalizing my divorce! Monique beat me up in front of everyone!  
Everyone: 0_0 She's scary! Will: Why did you split up!  
Epps: She told me to chose between her or NEST. I wanted to stay here!:)

Leo: Everyone hates me because I'm paranoid Leo: I passed my mental tests!  
Prowl:*glitch*  
Everyone else: 0_0'  
Leo: That hurts!

Miles: Solution to 2 of the world's s problem. Feed the Homeless to the hungry.

Me: He'd be here to comment on this himself but he didn't pass the mental test and Rachet had Hound take him to a psychiatrist!  
Sam: While there he let something slip about the autobots. Will, Epps and Figs are trying to get him out of the mental hospital now.  
Me: Without Galloway finding out! XD He's so much trouble!

Prowl: Silence is golden but duck tape is silver

Jazz: There's no I in Team, yeah but there is in WIN

Galloway: Eagles can soar, but weasels don't get sucked into Jet engines!  
Me: That was actual pretty funny!  
Epps: Yeah who knew GALLOWAY! Had a sense of humor!  
Galloway: *SMILES WARMLY* Hey I'm Human too!  
Everyone: 0_0 WTF Me: *Hides Behind Optimus with Epps* I'm scared!  
Everyone: We're scared too!  
Ironhide: I didn't know it was possible for him to smile!*glitch*  
At that everyone (humans and autobots)start screaming!  
Galloway:*smiles evilly* Chaos, Panic and Disorder My work here is done!*leaves*

Rule 39:No quoting Sherlock Holmes(books, movies or TV seasons).

Preceptor: How often have I said to you that when you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth

Leo: I am not a psychopath. I am a highly-functioning sociopath, get it right!"

Simmons: Get that gun out of my Will : It's not in your face, it's in my hand. Simmons: Get what's in your hand out of my face.

Redalert: Does your depravity know no bounds?Barricade: No!

Prowl:( after finding a human scientist who was working with the decepiticons) Whatever he was working on, he obviously finished Ironhide: How do you know?Prowl: Otherwise, he'd still be alive.

Galloway: I won't go in there by myself, not while he's got a gun in his hand! (Ironhide was in the shooting range)

Me: My mind rebels at stagnation. Give me problems, give me work, give me the most abstruse cryptogram, or the most intricate analysis, and I am in my own proper atmosphere. I can dispense then with artificial stimulants. But I abhor the dull routine of existence. I crave for mental exaltation Jazz: You said all that in one breath, Primus femme what' are you on!  
Rachet: Nikita are you using drugs!  
Me: What no!  
Sam: How do you remember all that!  
Me: I'm a fountain of useful and useless information!

Wheeljack: Work is the best antidote to sorrow

Sam: But there are always some lunatics about. It would be a dull world without them

Rachet: You do seem... Me: Excited? Rachet: Manic. Me: I am. Rachet: Verging on... Me: Ecstatic? Rachet: Psychotic. [pause] I should've brought you a sedative.

Will: [performing CPR on Sam] I know you can hear me, you selfish bastard!

Wheeljack: DECEPTICONS! And, by the way, fire.

Me: It's so overt it's covert.

Rule 40: No more 'that's what she said" jokes.  
Me: We did this for a whole day once, after words there was an awkward silence and no one could look each other in the optics/eyes.  
Leo: That's what she said!  
Everyone: LEO!SHUT UP!  
Leo: 0_0'Tough crowd!

Rule 41:Don't Quote The Hitchhiker's guide to the Galaxy

Redalert: All my life I've had this strange feeling that there's something big and sinister going on in the world.  
Sam: No, that's perfectly normal paranoia. Everyone in the universe gets that.

(trapped by the decepticons)  
Me: Don't panic... don't panic...  
Miles: So this is it. We're gonna die.  
Me: Yeah. We're gonna die.  
[pauses]  
Me: No... no! What's this?  
[goes over to control panel]  
Miles: What's that?  
Me: What's this...? What's this...?  
[flips switch]  
Me:: This... is... nothing. Yeah, we're gonna die.

Teletran 1: It is important to note that suddenly, and against all probability, a Sperm Whale and a bowl of petunias had been called into existence, several miles above the surface of an alien planet and since this is not a naturally tenable position for a whale, this innocent creature had very little time to come to terms with its identity. This is what it thought, as it fell: The Whale: Ahhh! Woooh! What's happening? Who am I? Why am I here? What's my purpose in life? What do I mean by who am I? Okay okay, calm down calm down get a grip now. Ooh, this is an interesting sensation. What is it? It s a sort of tingling in my... well I suppose I better start finding names for things. Let's call it a... tail! Yeah! Tail! And hey, what's this roaring sound, whooshing past what I'm suddenly gonna call my head? Wind! Is that a good name? It'll do. Yeah, this is really exciting. I'm dizzy with anticipation! Or is it the wind? There's an awful lot of that now isn't it? And what's this thing coming toward me very fast? So big and flat and round, it needs a big wide sounding name like 'Ow', 'Ownge', 'Round', 'Ground'! That's it! Ground! Ha! I wonder if it'll be friends with me? Hello Ground! Curiously the only thing that went through the mind of the bowl of petunias, as it fell, was, 'Oh no, not again.' Many people have speculated that if we knew exactly *why* the bowl of petunias had thought that we would know a lot more about the nature of the universe than we do now.

* When Sam was seeing Cybertroniain! What he said to Megatron when he said he had something he wanted*  
Sam: I'm sorry, did you just say you needed my brain? Well, you can't have it, I'm using it!

Prowl: You're looking for the Ultimate Question.  
Me: Yep.  
Prowl: You.  
Me: Me.  
Prowl: Why?  
Me: No, I tried that: Why? 42. Doesn't work.

Wheeljack:(describing a new high grade formula) It has the effect of having your brains smashed out with a slice of lemon... wrapped around a large gold brick.  
Ironhide: And why would I want to drink that.

Teletran1: [as they are gazing at earth] Incredible...it's even worse than I thought it would be.

Redalert: [depressed] I'd make a suggestion, but you wouldn't listen.  
[even more depressed]  
Redalert: No one ever does.

Fig: I asked Teletran for the best way to rescue Miles and Leo from The nemesis, it said "don't".

Me: I've been talking to Teletran 1!  
Optimus: And?  
Me: It hates me.

Wheeljack: A man who no more knows his destiny than a tea leaf knows the history of the East India company.

Hound: Space, is big. Really big. You just won't believe how vastly, hugely, mind bogglingly big it is. And so on.(now you can see why he's MILES guardian)

Sam: Teletran 1... you saved our lives!  
Teletran 1: I know. Wretched, isn't it?

*decepiticon trap which both got out of* Ironhide: So this is it. We're going to die Redalert: Yes. Would you like a hug?  
Ironhide: No.

Teletran 1: I've calculated your chance of survival, but I don't think you'll like it.

Redalert: This will all end in tears.

Teletran 1: In the beginning the universe was created. This made a lot of people angry and has widely been considered as a bad move.

Epps: So much for the laws of physics.

*During a decepticon attack*  
Teletran 1: What to do if you find yourself stuck with no hope of rescue: Consider yourself lucky that life has been good to you so far. Alternatively, if life hasn't been good to you so far, which given your present circumstances seems more likely, consider yourself lucky that it won't be troubling you much longer.

Redalert: I have a million ideas, but, they all point to certain death.  
Me: Thanks very much, Red!

Teletran 1:  
Nothing travels faster than the speed of light with the possible exception of bad news, which obeys its own special laws.

Redalert: Ah, this is obviously some strange usage of the word 'safe' that I wasn't previously aware of.

Me: Optimus you should really talk to Redalert and Teletran, because their moods keep shifting and Teletran 1 seems to hate humans. Mostly me!

Optimus: I'll speak with them!

Rule 42: No one needs a theme song!  
Prowl: You all put entirely too much thought into things like this!  
Optimus: Prowl old friend, leave them alone let them have their fun!

Theme songs:  
Me(Nikita)- Eyes open by Taylor Swift

Rachet- How To Save A life by The Fray(Me: cliché I know),

Optimus- The humbling river by Puscifer

Sam- Who I Am Hates Who I've Been by Relient K

Bumblebee- I'd come for you by Nickelback

Sarah- Teenage Dream by Katy Perry

Annabelle(both Ironhides and Chromia's charge)- The gift of a friend by Demi Levato(Will: It's one of her favorites

songs)

Chromia- Sweet revenge by Barlow Girl(Me: I might tell you why in the next chapter or another story)

Will- Grown Men Don't Cry by Tim McGraw

Ironhide- My Old Friend by Tim McGraw

Epps- Beat it By Michael Jackson

Jazz- Boom Boom Pow by The Black Eyed Peas

Miles- High school never ends by Bowling For Soup

Hound- Best of Friends from The Fox and The HOUND (Me: XD)

Leo(Still hasn't been assigned guardian) - What's My age again by Blink 182

Prowl- The Logical Song by Supertramp

Skids and Mudflap- We are Siamese if you please from Lady and the Tramp

Fig- I ran over the taco bell dog song by Adam Sandler (Everyone:*laughing too hard to comment* XD )

Breakdown- Dive by Boom Boom Satellites

Knockout- Flawed Design by Stabilo

Barricade- Alive and Awake by Skillet.

Sunstreaker- You're so Vain by Carly Simon

Sideswipe- I will not bow by Breaking Benjamin

Galloway- when your evil by Voltaire

Redalert- There coming to take me away by Dr Demento

Wheeljack- The Scientist by Coldplay

Fireflight- Like a g6 by Far East Movement

Simmons- Paranoid by Greenday

Me: Guardians are named after their charges! And Ironhide and Chromia are not sparkmates, just to set the records straight. Chromia and Sarah are really good friends so it made sense to make her, her charge too! Oh I know Simmons hasn't been seen in awhile but he's on a 3 month vacation!  
Will: Lucky bastard!  
Epps: I know right!  
Me: Moving on! I'd continue the list but it would be at least 20 pages long! Sam: I still don't know why Mikaela didn't want a theme song.  
Mikaela: It's okay I really don't want one(laughs and shakes her head)

* * *

Me: Alright that's all for now. Sorry I took so long. Me and Wheeljack thought it would take less time to make the auto-disclaimer.  
Wheeljack: Yes and I apologize. I'm really sorry it didn't work.  
Me: Ah it's alright. The explosion was awesome!  
Sam: Yeah I'd give an 10.  
Will: Please it was a 5.  
Miles: No it was 6.  
Leo: Wrong it was a 9.  
Bumblebee: 10

Fireflight: 10

Fig: I'd give it a 12.  
Ironhide: Your all wrong it was a three.  
Me: What you're crazy!  
Prowl: It's dangerous not amazing!  
Rachet: Bumblebee, Fireflight, Ironhide I expect better of you. Humans are a young race. There still youngling compared us!* ignores protests and continues* Optimus aren't you going to say anything!  
Optimus:*laughs* They are all legal adults, they can do what they want.  
Prowl: Not on my watch!*storms away*  
Rachet: WHAT HE SAID!  
Optimus: They just worry about your safety please be patient!  
Will: It's alright Optimus!  
Sam: Yeah were happy that even with assholes like Galloway around that they still care about us!  
Miles: Yeah makes us feel like we're a part of the team.  
Epps: Unofficial auto-bots if you will!  
Fig: We worry about you guys when you're in trouble.  
Me: Yeah that's what friends and families do.

Optimus: Your words warm my spark, you are each just as important to me as anyone of my autobots!  
Bumblebee:"We are family, get up everybody and sing."

Sam: Yeah bee's like a big brother to me! I'd be dead by now if it wasn't for him!

Bumblebee: "Let's her for the boy, oh let's give the boy a hand."

Me:*laughing* Alright remember to rate and review!

Leo: We won't force you, it's your right to refuse as sentient beings!*everyone stares at him* What!? Optimus always says it. I wanted to for a change. I thought it would make me sound cool! Optimus:*lowers his battle mask to hide his mischievous grin* It didn't work!*walks away*

Leo: X_X

Me: Ouch burned by Optimus Prime. That's got to hurt.*laughs as Leo walks away sulking* Well while Leo licks his wounds. For everybody here at NEST(well everyone but Galloway) I say see ya later! Oh and if you have any idea's or suggestions for rules you'd like to hear feel free to send them. I promise to give full credit to the person who thought of it! BYE! }


	5. Chapter 5

How to live with Cybertortronians a guide for humans and : Nikita Marie Nightingale

Disclaimer:

Me: I Nikita Marie Nightingale own nothing mention in this story. I don't own any brand names or anything else!

I'm writing this purely for fun!

Knockout: Why do you barley mention the ex-decepticons! I need some attention here!

Barricade: We're barley mentioned!

Me: It's not my fault you three are to scared of Prowl to break the rules!

Breakdown: We fear nothing! You want use to get in trouble fine, we will. * All three storm away*

Me: ^_^' This is going to end badly and it's going to be my fault.

Prowl: It is your fault!

* CRASH BANG*

Me: X_X That didn't sound good!

Optimus: *walks up* This will be going in the rule book!

IN THE DISTANCE:

Ratchet: YOU IDIOTS WHAT HAVE I TOLD YOU ABOUT RACING ON BASE! GET TO THE MEDBAY!

NIKITA THIS YOUR FAULT SO COME HELP ME!

Me: 0_0' COMING!* runs off*

Optimus: Once again Nikita owns nothing.

* * *

Rule 43: No one will be gluing anyone's furniture to the ceiling.

Me: It took a week to get my stuff down Will. I had a horrible time getting to sleep! Ratchet snores!

Ratchet: Youngling that's a lie!

Me: It is not!

Will: You deserved it.

Me: I did not.

Will: Did to!

Me: Did not!

Will: DID TO!

Me: DID NOT!

Will: DID TO!

Me: DID NOT!

Optimus: QUIET! YOU'RE ACTING LIKE YOUNGLINGS!

Will and me: Sorry boss bot! *starts elbowing each other when he walks away*

Rule 44: And because of rule 43 anyone beside Optimus, Prowl or Redalert must give a reason to use Wheeljack's super glue! And they can only use it under supervision of said bots!

Ironhide: This is ridiculous! I'm 37 000 years old. I Shouldn't be treated like a youngling.

Me: Yeah and I'm the victim why am I being punished!

Epps: This is stupid I'm an adult but I feel like I'm 5!

Mikaela: I leave the base for two days and this is what happens!

Everyone: We won't stand for this!

Prowl: Don't blame us! Blame Major William Lennox!

*Everyone turns and glares at Will*

Will: *raises hands* Hey I didn't mean for this to happen!

Annabel: Your bad dad!

Sarah: That's right your father did something very bad! He was very mean to your aunt Nikita!

Will: ^_^' It was just a joke!

Rule 45: No racing on base!

Breakdown: Ow that was stupid!

Knockout: NO! YOU DON'T SAY!

Barricade: Shut up you two my processor aches!

Me: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA *GASP* HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Ratchet: It's not funny Nikita! And if you three ever crash through the walls of my med bay again I'll reformat you into toasters!

Breakdown, Knockout and Barricade: ^_^' YES RATCHET!

Rule 46: Don't hit the transform button and throw your airplane into the air! Leo found out the hard way!

Leo: *picking up the pieces of his cell phone* Worst Transformer ever!

Skids: Man why we gotta get stuck with such a stupid charge!

Mudflap: Hey if anyone around here is stupid, it's you!

Skids: Yeah well your ugly!

Mudflap: We look the same!

* Fight breakout*

Ironhide and Bumblebee: KNOCK IT OFF! * Tosses each of them across the tarmac*

Me: I'm surrounded by idiots!

Rule 47: No quoting CSI. Any season!

Leo: I got one of those chem labs when I was six. I almost blew up the whole house.

Sam: I hate you.

Me: You love me... who ya kidding? ;)

Arcee:*after a run in with Galloway* I am a woman and I have a gun and look how he treated me! I can only IMAGINE how he treated his ex-wife!

Optimus: *on the battle field to Megatron * I wish i was like you Brother, I wish I didn't feel anything.

Will: Is there anything you won't bet on, man?

Epps: Nah.

Chromia: Never doubt. Never look back. That's how I live my life.

Mikaela: I admire that!

Wheeljack:When I was a youngling, I used to make bombs. Little bombs.

Me: You are the dumbest smart guy I know!  
Breakdown: You think I'm smart?!

Me:Oh sad was the day for the little bisque doll, for they cut all her stitches away, and found the seat of the terrible ache. Twas a delicate task... For none of the doctor's had ever before... performed on a dolly's inside... They tried to re-stuff her, but didn't know how, and this was her wail as she died... I've got a pain in my sawdust. That's what's the matter with me. Something is wrong on my little inside. I'm just as sick as can be. Don't let me faint, someone get a fan. Someone please run for the medicine man. Everyone hurry as fast as you can, 'cause I've got a pain in my sawdust. ( that song creeps Redalert out XD)

Rule 48: Winter is coming.

Me: It was funny the first few times but please whoever programmed Redalert to say that has to get him to stop!

Redalert: Winter is coming!

Me:*faceplam* I told myself that I shouldn't let them watch game of thrones!

Optimus: *walks in* Nikita I just asked Redalert to upgrade the defense grid because Megatron was spotted in California and he told me! That is was to be expected because winter was coming! What did he mean!

Me: ^_^' I'd ask Ratchet!

* * *

Optimus: Nikita is still in the mad bay helping Ratchet with Breakdown, Barricade and Knockout so I'm here in her place to say. Thank you for reading! Please rate and review! We won't force you it's your right as sentient beings to refuse but I know it would mean a lot to Nikita!

Will: And if she happy she'll forgive me for the prank!

Epps: Ha as IF!

Sam: Yeah Epps is right. I'd watch out for her retaliation!

Leo: Plus you have to worry about everybody else who's joined the prank war to them your fair game!

Sideswipe: Oh Will doesn't have anything to worry about! Dose he bro?

Sunstreaker: Yeah nothing to worry about!

Will: ^_^' I'm doomed!

Miles: Totally XD


	6. Chapter 6

How to live with Cybertronians A guide for humans and Cybertronians!

Disclaimer:

Me: Hi it's time for another disclaimer so here it…..

Sunstreaker: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

*Nikita runs over*

Me: What! What's wrong?!

Sunstreaker: I have a scratch on my back!

Me: Is that all I can fix that!

Sunstreaker: Thanks!

* Fixes his paint and the write in red paint on his back*

"Nikita Marie Nightingale does not own any of the shows, quotes, brands, or video games she mentions! She doesn't own Transformers either! She owns nothing!" *Walks away!*

Chapter 6

49: The following quotes and saying are banned!

*while I was stuck in the medbay with a cold*

Sam: Get Well Soon!

Me: Why Get Well Soon? Why Not Get Well Now? I Know Because You Want Me To Suffer!

Sam: ^_^'... I'm going to go now

Will: Age has nothing to do with learning new ways to be stupid!

Sarah: This explains so much!

Will: ;_;

Everyone: XD

Epps: To ensure perfect aim, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target!

Ironhide: Your aim is still sucks!

Epps: X_X Ouch!

Leo: I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down.

Sam: And people say I'm a nerd!

Me: You still are! He's just a bigger nerd!

Leo and Sam: ;_; That's uncalled for.

Hound: *after getting hit in the head "I'm not as think as you confused I am!

Ratchet: Never do anything that you wouldn't want to explain to the medics.

*Earlier today*

Miles: Books have knowledge, knowledge is power, power corrupts, corruption is a crime, and crime doesn't pay. So if you keep reading, you'll go broke!

Optimus: Nikita put him in the medbay and after she finishes these rules she will be in the brig!

Barricade: I warned him not to say anything bad about reading in front of Nikita but he didn't listen.

Ratchet: Hound tried to stop Nikita and Barricade, Breakdown and knockout put him in to stasis lock. Will: He's in the medbay with Miles! Redalert: They will be going to the brig with Nikita! Me, Knockout, Barricade and Breakdown: WORTH IT!

50. Never interrupt your opponent while he's making a mistake.

Me: Sometimes I think Fireflight is a little too helpful!

Sam: Bumblebee is still in the medbay.

Breakdown: Who tells the guy who's going to shoot you that their safety's on?

Firefilght: It was!

Everyone: 0_e

51. Sunny, Sides and Fig can't make up rules and the following rules are cancelled!

Sunny, Sides, and Fig: SLAG IT!

Me: You should of know that Red isn't that dumb!

Redalert: Yeah! Hey!

Negated rules:

All new recruits must buy Sunstreaker and Sideswipe cans of yellow and red paint!

All new recruits must prank Will Lennox and Robert Epps!

All new recruits must egg Galloway's car!

And all new recruits must hide one of Ironhide's guns!

Leo: We lost a couple of recruits because of that last one!

Me: Their not hurt or dead, they just ran away screaming and we haven't seen them since!

52. No quoting Sanctuary season 1!

Miles: You almost ran me over.

Barricade: You got in the way.

Me: I work with sentient beings, each worthy of the same respect that humans, even animals, receive automatically. These creatures are the key to the evolution of our race, past and future, and yet we revile them, destroy them. And worst of all, pretend they don't even exist. But they are out there. Lost, like the child you saw tonight. Misunderstood, hunted... and they need our help, your help. * This helped us get Nest set up in the first place!*

Optimus: Thank you!

Un-named recruit: You know, I was hoping that at least you would be normal.

Will: Sorry to disappoint. Is there anything else?

Un-named recruit: Is there a health plan?

Will: No, but I can promise you the adventure of many, many lifetimes. Shall we begin?

Epps: Nikita...I'm pretty sure we have rules about... floating and stuff.

Sam: Our whole life is a B-movie.

Me: Sorry I can't write anymore and that I haven't updated in a while. And the others can't be here right now because their either filling out paper work for damages and other incidents (Will, Epps, and Fig, Optimus, Redalert), in the medbay (Miles, Bumblebee, Ratchet, Sam and Hound) or on their way to the brig (Me, Breakdown, Barricade and Knockout) plus Prowl is on a mission, and Simmons hasn't got back from his vacation. *Leaves*

Simmons: Guys I'm back! * Silence* *Crickets* ;_; That hurts guys!


	7. Chapter 7

How to live with Cybertronians A guide for humans and Cybertronians

Disclaimer:

Simmons: Why are you all picking on me!

Me: Because you just got back and you're already causing trouble and interrupting my disclaimer! I'm sorry guys I'll keep this short! I don't own anything!

Simmons: I could have told them that! WHAT ABOUT ME!

Bumblebee: Do you want to be locked in the freezer!

Sam: Yeah go Bee!

Optimus: Bumblebee! WE DON'T HARM HUMANS!

Me: *sigh* Let's get on with the rules!

Chapter 7

* * *

Rule 53: Simmons is not allowed to say the following!

Simmons: Nothing is more disappointing then unappreciated sarcasm.

Simmons: Honesty is the best policy, but insanity is a better defense.

Sam: I knew he was crazy!

Simmons: Me going to church doesn't make me a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

Bumblebee: I will lock you in the freezer!

Simmons: War doesn't determine who's right. War determines who's left.

Ironhide: That is true!

Simmons: If pro is opposite of con, then what is the opposite of progress?

Optimus: Please don't say that around Galloway we don't need him mad at all of us!

Simmons: If you think things can't get worse it's probably only because you lack sufficient imagination.

Redalert: *glitches*

Simmons: The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources!

Leo: Where the heck did my website GO!

Simmons: A single death is a tragedy; a million deaths is a statistic.

Everyone: Shut up Simmons! Go back on vacation!

Simmons: Nope ;)

Everyone: *facepalms*

* * *

Me: Sorry everyone's hiding from Simmons right now, it's not that we hate him it's just were all tried and he's being annoying! So if you see him I was never here I'll post more later! * Runs away*

Simmons: AH revenge is sweet! I like everyone now but they did make me lose my job! ;) *whistles a happy tune and walks away*


	8. Chapter 8

How to live with Cybertronians A guide for humans and Cybertronians

Disclaimer:

Me: I just like to take this opportunity not only to say I don't own anything but to thank MISCrasyaboutfanfics for rule 54,55,56,56.5,and 57. All credit goes to her for those hilarious rules. So I'm taking this opportunity to thank her and tell once again how gratefully I was for the ideas because I've been having a major case of writers block.

Sam: She was walikng around base and talking to herself since she posted the last chapter.

Miles: It was supper annoying.

Leo: And it made her seem crazy.

Barricade: I run if I were you.

Sam, Miles and Leo: WHY?

Me: Because I'm going to put you idiots in the medbay if you don't *Glares*

*They run away*

Barricade: Why aren't you going after them?

Me: I just wanted them to leave. Once again A BIG THANK YOU TO MISCrasyaboutfanfics AND I OWN NOTHING.

* * *

Chapter 8:

Rule 54: Humans and Autobots, do not shove anything up your rear ends! (Ratchet and the human doctors don't like dealing with the removal of said objects from that particular orifice)

Ratchet: Never speak of this again,

Me: AGREDED

Rule 55: Annabel is allowed to watch PBS Kids shows like Zoom, however, we are not allowed to speak Ubbi Dubbi or any other fictional language. (Mainly because it confuses the Autobots)

Me: I don't blame them, half those languages confused me.

Will: Yeah but Annabel can speak each and every one of them.

Epps: Man that kids smart I could barley learn French.

Ironhide: She's also good at Cybertronian!

Everyone: WHAT!

Rule 56: Psycho can now be added to the list of banned movies, mainly because of the shower scene.

Me: Redalert went so far as to install cameras in the shower.

Sam: WHAT NOT COOL!

Optimus: Redalert is the only one who has access.

Miles: That doesn't make it any better!

Me: I know right, it's so not far! : (

Rule 56.5: And speaking of the above rule, Knockout, stop using your human holoform to spy on human female NEST recruits in the shower! Same thing with the Autobot femmes they have complained numerous times to both Optimus Prime and Will. You will have your holoform projector disabled permanently if you don't stop.

Mikeala: Or Chromia will kick your aft, whichever comes first.

Me: Not cool Knockout.

Breakdown: I know you'd think he'd have better things to do with his time.

Sarah: Oh well Ratchet and Barricade hunting him down because he was caught spying on Nikita.

Me and Breakdown: What I'LL KILL HIM. * runs of*

Will: Why dose Breakdown and Barricade care so much.

* Sarah and Mikeala faceplam*

Rule 57: No one is allowed to show the Autobots pornography! (It gave a lot of 'bots viruses that affected their processors) (It took forever for Ratchet and I to get rid of them) (No comment)

Rule 58: STOP GASPING EVERYTIME YOU HEAR SOMEONE SAY THAT BARRICADE AND BREAKDOWN ARE TWINS! IT'S NOT THAT SHOCKING!

Fig: Well it kind of is they look nothing alike.

Ratchet: That's because unlike other twins I can mention they actually choose different alt modes.

Barricade: Why would I want to look like him. It's bad enough I'm related to someone who lets people call him puppy.

Breakdown: It's better than Barry, and I would want to look like you either ugly.

*They get in to a fight*

Me: Puppy, Barry stop fighting your giving me a head ache!

*Fighting stops*

Simmons: HA WHIPPED!

Me: Simmons shut up!

Simmons: OK! :'(

Rule 59: Don't make fun of Optimus's first attempt at a prank.

Optimus: I found it on the internet, it said it was a prank. : (

Sunstreaker: Yeah for 5 year olds and younglings.

Sideswipe: Yeah mech up!

Me: Don't listen to them OP you got me with that prank.

Will: I missed it what happened.

Bumblebee: He gave Nikita a can of jellybeans but there were only fake snakes in them.

Will: CLASSIC!

Prowl: SUNSTREAKER, SIDESWIPE REPORT TO THE BRIG FOR DISREPECTING YOUR PRIME!

Sunny and sides: *high five* WORTH IT.

Rule 60: Unless you want to die don't mess with Nikita's MP3.

Ratchet: Will is in the medbay with a broken arm for trying to take it from her and Ironhide decided to voice his opinion and she used the allspark energy to put him to sleep.

Epps: He's also in the medbay.

Fig: She's strong; I can't believe she flipped like that.

Optimus: She's got the start of what you humans call PMS she didn't mean it, and probable hasn't realized yet.

* They all look at Nikita*

Me: *singing*Now's the time, get in line, don't be afraid tonight

We're goanna take you high, before you realize

'Round and 'round you'll go, up and down, never slow

Feel the excitement grow, oh

This is where you let go

Hands high like a roller coaster

This love is taking over

Take us higher here we go

Oh, oh, oh

Welcome to the show

Gravity we're defying

'Cause we were made for flying

We're about to lose control

Welcome to the show (lyrics from Welcome to the show by Britt Nicole)

* gasp* OH NO WILL IRONHIDE I'M SO SORRY. PROWL PUT ME IN THE BRIG I THINK I'M GOING CRAZY.

Ratchet: I never thought I'd see the day she volunteered to go to the brig.

Sam: She probably feels bad.

Bumblebee: Will talk to her about it later.

Miles: Yeah when we know shes safe.

Hound: She just needs to learn to control her new strength and powers!

* * *

Simmons: I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Nikita can't be here right now because she in the brig and everyone is down there talking to her but me and Optimus. We'll be down there soon though. We just wanted to thank all our wonderful readers on behafe of Nikita. We're glad you enjoy this story.

Optimus: Please favorite and review, we won't force you as it's your right as sentient beings to refuse.

Simmons: Thanks again and happy reading.


	9. Chapter 9

Disclaimer:

Me: I'm going to keep this short so I can write the rules faster to make up for the inconsistence of the chapters.

Starscream: Oh wow the fleshy can use big words!

Me: :( *drops a rock on Starscream's head* Sorry about that he's our prisoner right now until we can ransom him for Miles or rescue him! I don't anything! A big thanks for rules 61- 65 they were submitted by MISCrasyaboutfanfic and thanks to JinxKatKazama for the inspiration behind rule 66! And thanks to all my readers for your support! Oh and rule 67.5 can be seen as kind off dark and I'm sorry if it offends anyone this is purely fictional!

* * *

Rule 61: No one is allowed to play truth or dare anymore due to the amount of injuries and pranks that have occurred  
Me: I was dared to roller skate down a hall, but the floor was covered in soap! I broke my arm.

Will: I was dared to fill Ironhide's cannons with glitter; I twisted my ankle running from him.

Hound: Racing with my eyes closed. I crashed in to the med bay!

Epps: I was dared to kiss Prow's holoform and he glitched!

Leo: I was dared to steal a flying squirrel suite and use it. Hound thought I was a monster and tried to shoot me from the sky!

Optimus: I think they get the point if we stand here listing the injuries we will be here all day!

Rule 62: The "cinnamon challenge" is banned since Ratchet is concerned about the humans ruining their lungs.

Me: I won I lasted 1 minute.

Sam: Miles last 40 seconds and I lasted 25 seconds

Leo: 42 seconds

Simmons: I can't believe I did that, 12 seconds

Knockout: Idiots!

Rule 64: Once again Silly string is not allowed and Leo and Miles can't use it to blind the former Decepticons with help from Sunstreaker and Sideswipe of course.  
Optimus: Thankfully that effect was only temporary thanks to Ratchet  
Knockout: I wanted to dissect the culprits and was thrown in the brig for suggesting that.

Me: There lucky that their not here or I'd kick their buts!

Rule 65: Potatoes, bananas and whatever other food objects you can think of can not to be put in a Cybertronian's exhaust pipe as a prank while they are in vehicle mode  
Me, Ratchet and Knockout: No comment!

Rule 66: No spiking the high grade parties, they get out of control to fast!

Ratchet: I have such a headache.

Fig: So you guys get hung over to?

Ironhide: Don't shout!

Optimus: I just wish he'd stop spinning!

Bumblebee: This is why I don't drink very often. *holding his head in his hands*

Me: I feel fine!

All autobot's on base: SHUT UP NIKITA!

Me: :'( That's cruel just cause I can't get hung over!

Rule 67: After today we never bring up the virus that Nikita got from Breakdown. That's what made her freak out when Will took her Mp3 Player.

Rule 67.5: Don't bring up that she thought she was going crazy and tried to jump off one of the hangers!

Will: That was scary good thing Barricade was there!

Optimus: What exactly happened up there?

Barricade: You'll never know…..

Breakdown: *looks at his twin with a funny expression!

Ratchet: Nikita's all better now and can't believe what she almost did.

Sam: I've only seen Nikita cry a few times but that was the hardest.

Will: I say we don't bring it up again because we all know she'd never do that!

Epps: Yeah it was the virus right?

Ratchet: Yes this virus was specially designed to do just that, they were not Nikita's actual feelings it didn't bother Breakdown and Barricade since he's his twin because of their Firewalls.

Knockout: That and Barricade has already had this before on Cybertron and almost offlined himself.

Everyone: *GASP*

They look at Barricade and he ignores them lost in his own thoughts

3RD pov:

(Nikita standing on the edge of the building. Barricade's holoform runs up to her. She turns to look at them)

Barricade: Nikita get down from there it's just you and me, I know you're frightened

Nikita: No it's better this way I don't know who I am!

Barricade: I'll help you through this you know I've been there before! Listen to me! You feel lost out of control like a ship on the sea.

Nikita: Feels like I'm drowning I'm going to die!

Barricade: We'll find….

Nikita: It's getting worse its taking control now…

Barricade: away! Don't you give up hope!

Nikita: I'm fading away would you do any different?

Barricade: I've been holding back you've been holding back. I don't want to lie …

Nikita: Please just let me go

Barricade: to you anymore. Do you think I'm the one because I think you're the one! There I said I said it I can't take it back.

Nikita: Please just let me go!

Barricade: This is not how it ends here amongst friends a future will never she! NIKITA PLEASE JUST STAY!

Nikita: You were holding back I was holding back…

Barricade: Just stay…

Nikita: I know it's hard but it's time to let me go!

Barricade: Just stay.

Nikita: It's taking control I'm losing control. I love you! * Steps back*

Barricade: Nikita *grabs her hand and pulls her back, she's unconscious. Ratchet appears and takes her to the med bay*

End of POV

Epps: Where were you breakdown when we were taking about this while Nikita was in the Med bay!

Breakdown: I didn't want Nikita to wake up alone… *Barricade looks at him funny*

Breakdowns POV:

I know perfectly well what had gone on while Nikita and Barricade were on the roof. I could see it through Barricades optics. It was terrifying and heartbreaking, she preferred him, and even though it's normal on Cybertron I couldn't ask her to pick both of us. Not now that I knew she liked my brother! Now I know what Henry Foss felt for Abbey and she picked Will over him to!

*singing* "Oh, if I had money enough to spend and leisure time to sit awhile

There is a fair maid in this town that sorely has my heart beguiled

Her rosey cheeks and ruby lips, she alone has my heart in thrall.

So fill me to the parting glass. Goodnight and joy be with you all."

(I loved that episode of Sanctuary so I had to find some way to fit those songs in! That's why it I made this rule everything else will be funny this was most likely a onetime thing but I just love those to songs! And I thought it would throw in some great drama for the main story. But it won't be up for a while but there's one more song I have to use)

Later that day in Optimus's office: (He hasn't discovered Sentinel yet because this is before Egypt so bear with me)

Optimus is sitting down in his office with his head in his hands. Thinking about what had almost transpired that day. "What am I going to do if this evry happens again?" He sighed. "I'm just one mech how can I keep my men safe.

* Sentinel appears* I will go wherever you need me

On the river of roses or rain

I will follow the signs that you leave me

The mysteries of joy and of pain

I will search for light in the darkness

Though I stumble through shadow and shade

Oh if you are with me

Of whom shall I be afraid?

You have lifted me up when I have falling

Driving the ghost from my door

You have comforted me in my sorrow

Wiped my brow when I've been sick and soar

You have share in all of my triumphs

And bless the crops that we laid

Oh if you are with me

Of whom shall I be afraid?

Optimus fell asleep feeling better than he had all day!

* * *

Nikita: Thanks guys that's all I have time for today I hope you enjoyed the story!

Will: Please read and review. Optimus would be here but he was recharging in his office so I let him sleep!

Ratchet: Primus know we all need a goodnight sleep!

Nikita: Amen!

Starscream: Tied up in the brig: Hey what up me? Don't ignore me! *crickets* AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!


End file.
